I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
