My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
