I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize