I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
