chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
