this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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