Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
