May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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