i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
In America we eat man semen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
