Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
