you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
