grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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