I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
