I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
