how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
