I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Someone signed my nipple.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
