i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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