There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
