did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
