***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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