If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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