I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just found a bag of teeth...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
