What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
