At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize