Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
