Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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