I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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