Four minutes until I can fart!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
