I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
