Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
