My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
