Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
