3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
