I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
