i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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