the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I looked at my own cervix.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
