you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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