just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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