Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He shit in the fireplace
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize