a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
