do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish you could order shots online.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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