Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
