dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
