I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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