I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
