somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
