i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
