I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
