hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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