dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
