Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize