I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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