How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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