I didn't shave. On purpose
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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