I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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