Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
