I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
