I think im going to throw up on grandma
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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