i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
