This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
