Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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