Pants 0. Shit 1.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had sex on a roof
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
