New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
