Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
