I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
