Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
