We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is the high leading the old right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
