what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
