I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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