I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
