Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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