i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
