He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
