I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
