i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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